By Ox-News Investigative Satirists
June 1 2025 | Mar-a-Lago International Tee-Box

In a bold demonstration of fiscal bravery, President Donald J. Trump has accepted a $400 million Boeing 747-8 “flying palace” from Qatar’s royal family—because nothing says “drain the swamp” like a 465-seat, gold-plated swamp-vacuum with marble bidets. White House aides insist the gift is “just like bringing your own reusable straw,” only larger, louder and 18 feet longer than the current Air Force One. The Daily Beast

“Free Plane = Frugal President”

“If the Emir hands you a jumbo jet, you don’t look a gift gate in the airstair,” Trump explained on Truth Social, assuring patriots that the gesture will save taxpayers money—once you ignore the rumored $1 billion retrofit bill (minor detail, fake news!). Ethics lawyers who can read the Emoluments Clause at an eighth-grade level have called the scheme unconstitutional, but Team Trump retorted that the clause “never said anything about complimentary SkyMall upgrades.” NPRABC News

Rebranding Corruption as “Aviation-Assisted Drainage”

Senior strategist Steve “Goggles” Miller praised the jet as “a giant sump pump in the sky,” explaining that every time it takes off, it literally sucks swamp gas out of Washington. Critics claim that’s just the smell of jet fuel and discarded morality, but MAGA influencers have already printed I ♥ SWAMP-SUCKER ONE merch, available for three easy payments of $99.95 plus fasting-day shipping.

Governance at 35,000 Feet

Sources say the aircraft’s chandelier-lit conference room will double as a “Mobile Swamp Tribunal,” where lobbyists can plead their cases mid-flight—seat-belt sign permitting. An onboard mini-gator pond lets officials demonstrate real-time swamp drainage by siphoning water (and regulations) out the cargo door. “This isn’t a bribe,” insisted a White House spokesperson. “It’s performance art with wings.” BBC

Future Plans

After Trump leaves office—or declares the jet an eternal extension of it—the plane will reportedly park next to his presidential library, serving as both gift shop and deluxe Airbnb for donors who identify as airports. Congressional investigators have scheduled hearings, but staffers worry the testimony will be drowned out by the GE engines’ “very pro-freedom” roar.

The preceding article is 100 percent parody. The events, quotes, and “Swamp-Sucker One” are fictional exaggerations inspired by real reporting. Nothing here should be construed as factual news, financial advice, legal analysis, or an invitation to gift anyone a jumbo jet (please don’t). Always consult original sources for accurate information—and remember: if this sounded too ridiculous to be true, that’s because it is.