WASHINGTON, D.C. — June 1, 2025
In a controversial and widely criticized move, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. suggested in a televised press conference Tuesday that Americans should “consider drinking small amounts of rubbing alcohol daily” as a substitute for receiving seasonal flu and COVID-19 vaccines.

The bizarre recommendation came as part of the administration’s newly unveiled “Natural Immunity Empowerment Initiative,” which Kennedy claims is aimed at “restoring bodily sovereignty through alternative science.” He argued that since rubbing alcohol “kills germs on contact in petri dishes,” ingesting it could provide “internal sterilization.”

“Big Pharma wants you to believe that the only way to fight viruses is with a jab,” Kennedy said while holding up a bottle of generic isopropyl alcohol during the press event. “But this here—this is 99 cents at CVS and it kills 99.9% of germs. Why not let it work inside your body?”

The statement sparked immediate backlash from public health experts, poison control centers, and even several members of the administration.

“The ingestion of rubbing alcohol is extremely dangerous and can lead to blindness, organ failure, and death,” said Dr. Linda Shaw, director of the CDC’s Emergency Response Division, who was reportedly unaware of Kennedy’s plan until the press conference aired. “This is not alternative medicine. This is lethal.”

Despite warnings, Kennedy doubled down during an appearance on “The Joe Rogan Experience” Wednesday, where he drank what he claimed was “a thimble of isopropyl” live on air. The episode was temporarily removed from Spotify before being reinstated with a disclaimer noting that “this content is for entertainment purposes only and does not constitute medical advice.”

White House Press Secretary Brad Gunter attempted to distance the administration from Kennedy’s comments, telling reporters, “The President supports science-based public health policy. Secretary Kennedy’s remarks reflect his personal beliefs, which do not represent official HHS guidance… or reality.”

When asked whether the administration planned to remove Kennedy from his post, Gunter replied, “At this time, there are no personnel changes to announce. But yes, we’re deeply, deeply concerned.”

Meanwhile, poison control hotlines across the country reported a sudden uptick in calls related to alcohol ingestion, prompting the FDA to issue an emergency bulletin titled: “PLEASE DO NOT DRINK RUBBING ALCOHOL.”

Satirical critics have already coined the term “Kennedy Cure,” while late-night host Stephen Colbert joked, “Next week RFK Jr. will recommend standing inside a microwave to kill germs with radiation.”

Disclaimer:
This article is a work of satire and is not intended to be taken as factual reporting. While Robert F. Kennedy Jr. currently serves as the U.S. Secretary of Health and Human Services, the claims made in this article — including the suggestion that he recommended drinking rubbing alcohol — are entirely fictional and fabricated for humorous purposes.

Please do not consume rubbing alcohol under any circumstances. It is toxic and can cause serious harm or death. This content is intended solely for entertainment and parody, and does not reflect the views of any public official, agency, or organization.